By Inner Fire Luminary Chrystal Pearl
It was September 7, 2016. I had been working with a therapist for a few months to help me steer my way through some roadblocks. The discussion topic for this particular day was mission and creation.
I had no idea how to answer his question. I rambled off the first things that popped into my head:
“Yoga Vacation. What does that look like?” the doctor asked.
I stammered. “Ummmm, to go on a trip and do yoga while I’m away.” He chuckled. “Where would you go?”
“Ummmm, somewhere tropical. I love the beach.”
“Great, how will you create that?”
In an upswing tone I responded, “research yoga retreats?”
And that was my homework: to figure out how to create those three things on my list, and to create my own personal mission statement.
“Dr. H, I don’t know how to even write a personal mission statement.”
His response: “That’s for you to discover.”
Oh how I’d wish he would just give me the answers.
A month has gone by and the date is October 5, 2016. Crap I have see Dr. H today. I didn’t write my mission statement. I go to the coffee shop before my appointment. Scribble scribble scribble .
I walked into his office and shared my freshly written personal mission statement:
To live each moment completely present. To have compassion for myself and those around me. To be dedicated to creating new adventures and possibilities because I believe in myself.
“That’s a good start. How was the process of creating that?” he said.
“Ummm fine,” I answered. Then the truth. “I just did it 30 minutes ago at the coffee shop.” He smirked as if he already knew.
I had to come clean, or maybe it was my subconscious’ way of protecting me because I hadn’t put much consideration into my mission statement yet.
After that session, I refined my mission statement to the following:
Those words hold a lot of meaning for me. The sentiment encompassed everything I had been struggling with and putting aside. It encompassed everything I needed right then. It encompassed me as a student and as a teacher. It gave me energy and focus again. It still does.
So, back to that “yoga vacation.” After my early October therapy session, I had made up my mind that I would go to Wanderlust Oahu.
In fact, I was so sold on the idea of going to Wanderlust Oahu that I even planned an upcoming workshop around the Wanderlust dates. I pretty much had the last half of February blocked off in my calendar, but to be honest, my inside voice was saying “you’re not going, that’s not you.”
It was too free of an idea for the safe, conservative, analytical woman that I had grown up to be. I can’t just go by myself, leave my dog and family; I need to stay home and work, and most of all, do I even deserve to go? That was always the story I told myself, every time an opportunity walked through the door. I later discovered that I was always leaning into fear. I allowed fear to lead the way. Discomfort would rise, fear would step in, and I would abort the mission and play it off as, nah, it’s not for me.
It’s now January 9, 2017. Oh, what is this email, “Get ready for the chance to win a Hawaiian adventure!”? Inner Fire had just launched a contest for Inner Fire Luminaries to win a trip to Hawaii and attend Wanderlust. How cool is that of Inner Fire to offer that to their Luminaries?
Omfg, I am so winning this , I thought. I spent the next two weeks compiling my submissions together and well, I was selected. I won. I did it! I made my “yoga vacation” happen. But to tell you the truth, when my name was announced my inner voice started talking: you probably only won because they just felt sorry for you; it must have been some fluke. Do you see the pattern here?
I am still over the moon about the trip. It was a long overdue girl’s trip that I really needed. Watching lady boss Leah , founder of Inner Fire, in her zone was so inspiring. She is fierce, she is relentless, she can sing (did you know she was once in a pop band?), she is goofy, she has a strong passion to preserve the earth one straw at a time (she made me think twice about my straw usage. Her consciousness is also reflected in her brands eco-friendly approach), she is spontaneous, she is a great travel companion...I could go on.
In Hawaii, I explored, I embraced and I felt. I truly lived out my mission statement in every moment of the trip in the best way I knew how. I did the most exploring on this trip than I have all my life (as I show you in my video above). Heck, on a whim, Leah and I decided not to fly home and instead, hop over to The Big Island for four extra days to take volcanic helicopter rides, and walk along black sand beaches. That was a big deal for me. The little voice in my head told me to go back home to work, and go back home because I didn’t deserve it. I cannot thank the world and everyone around me for supporting my exploration. Four extra days meant a lot for me. This trip meant a lot to me.
And I’m not only referring to big life changing fears like whether to have children; I’m talking about even the little discomforts like wanting to eat chocolate but feeling guilty, or not wanting to hold a yoga pose because I’m tired.
I’m constantly questioning why I feel this way, but I’ve been allowing myself to embrace and feel all the discomfort instead of brushing it off. In this process, I’ve allowed myself to slow down. I was always that person speed walking down the street, weaving around people even when I had nowhere to be. And I was always that person who worried and worried and worried. Slow down, take in the moment, breathe, and feel. This is now how I try to live my life.
I invite you to breathe, to be present, to be curious and to explore those uneasy feelings. Because through my own experience, I know that allowing yourself to simmer in those discomforts will bring out growth and change, it will bring out what is needed.
What would you like to create for yourself in the next three months? What is your mission statement?
With love, Chrystal Pearl